the extra 10%
i made up a new word and it's called productivity-ification
i have a pretty bad habit of systematizing things that aren't meant to be systematized.
i've always been a pretty busy person. my life has always been consumed by a giant, and the rest of my things are just there, begging for attention.
running, school, and work have always rotated in taking more than 50% of my life, attention, or focus. when two (or heaven forbid all three) of those things are consuming time simultaneously, my life becomes highly optimized, and is formatted in a way in which i can become very good at the things i spend the most time doing.
i tend to sacrifice any other hobby, relationship, or task in pursuit of the greatest piece of the theoretical "pie" of my time.
when i was running competitively, i often went to bed at the same, extremely early. this sacrifice helped me recover, (theoretically) forging me into a better athlete. one who competed, trained, and led well.
at a previous job, i ate lunch at my desk in order to wrap up tasks ahead of a deadline. i'd run through a presentation i had to give three, four, or even five times to ensure everything ran smoothly. this, in turn (theoretically), made me into a better employee. one who got his work done, was prepared, and on time.
i love being the one who is always on the ball, because being on the ball isn't easy. being good, or even great at something requires sacrifice, and this sacrifice was always an easy call for me to make in pursuit of being a great athlete, student, or employee.
however, the productivity-ification (stay with me here) has often led my other hobbies to die. and the double edged sword of sacrifice, definitely hurts.
my interests (subconsciously) typically get organized into a hierarchical system in which the most "important" interests get the most amount of time, and the least important ones get the least.
and this makes sense... hell, it even might make a lot of sense.
let's say, in my theoretical pie chart of time, my interests and commitments are placed in this order with these percentages:
work (8-9 hours a day) = ~ 33% of my day
sleep (7-8 hours a day) = ~ 33% of my day
human existence - eating, hygiene, etc (3 hours) = ~ 12% of my day
exercise (1-2 hours a day) = ~ 10% of my day
this alone is about 90% of my day.
there's only 10% left, and my brain is often EXPLODING with ideas of how to spend this extra 10%
i love a lot of things. really, really hard...
i love manga, movies, anime, books, music, and so much more. i get inspired and intrigued by so many stories, sounds, and visuals, pushing me to become a better artist when i'm not consuming.
but what medium to pick? i love drawing, writing, photography, graphic design, and a lot more.
i quickly become a jack of all trades, but master of none, since my intake and outtake are so varied. i don't really become a writer, photographer, or artist.
this is ultimately, frustrating, because i know how to get good at things. all i have to do dedicate time to those things.
but that's part of the sacrifice... right?
the 10% dies so the 90% thrives.
and i really am okay with that...
but when my brain is constantly shifting pillars onto the next hyper fixation, it turns my extra 10% into ten, one percent interests. and i can't ever become a writer or a photographer when i dedicate 1% of my life to it.
the real point of this essay is that, this problem often throws my identity into disarray.
because yes, during the day i'm a software engineer, human, and athlete. that's pretty simple to define, hell it takes up 90% of my life.
but in my free time, it's a dice roll. last week i was a photographer and a video game critic, but this week i'm a web developer and a writer.
when i think about who i am, who i've become, and who i'll be next week, i become equally frustrated and proud.
i can't simply say "i'm a software developer and athlete during the day, and a creative at night."
i love, and do too many things for it to be simplified into such few words. the 90 and 10% feel disproportionate, and too vast to sum up so simply.
i just become a big blend of all the things i love. and that does, truly, makes me proud. i just become... aiden.